Days in the Life of a Pattaya Hotel Owner

Yesterday was an eventful day made memorable by one ‘Mr. Stupid’.

Mr. Stupid is a male by the name of Tony, aged in his late forties, who is staying as a guest here at Jasmine Mansion. He has been with us for just over a week and is booked in with his Thai wife and their baby daughter. They all live in England and are here to see her family and take a vacation. Mr. Stupid’s wife went to Bangkok a few days ago, with the baby, to visit her mother and left Mr. Stupid to relax on his own. Well Tony’s idea of relaxation appears to have been to head off to the bars and go-go’s, get extremely drunk and return to the hotel with a girl he has met in one of the establishments visited on his relaxation tour.

Now bringing a girl back to the hotel where you are staying with your wife is, in my opinion, rather stupid. It is taking a risk that cannot possibly be worthwhile whatever level you look at it from. However, bringing the same girl back two consecutive nights, with the second time being the eve of your wife’s return is beyond my comprehension. Mr. Stupid obviously did not see any risk, although to me such an act is akin to walking across a motorway blindfolded, with a ball and chain padlocked to your ankles at a time when the road is full of juggernauts. The chances of you getting across the road alive are not good! Mr. Stupid bade farewell to his paramour and readied himself for the return of his wife and child.

The wife duly returned, everything seemed fine and, for the briefest of moments, I imagined he had managed to sufficiently cover his tracks. There was, of course, always the risk that one of our staff would inform his wife and he was not to know that they are all sworn to secrecy in such matters, under the ‘Hoteliers Oath’. This was just another risk he had decided to run.

As you will already have surmised Mr. Stupid did not get away with his extramarital affair. It would not be much of a story if he had done now would it? At around midday his girlfriend arrived at the hotel and asked for him by name and citing his room number. She was talking to one of our new reception staff who had no idea of the situation. She certainly had no idea of what would happen were this girl to meet up with Mr. Stupid in the hotel given that his wife was now back. Fortunately I overheard the conversation and immediately recognized the lady in question. She was one of those scantily clad girls who was extremely attractive and made heads turn wherever she would walk, whilst I could see the attraction she was not worth the risk Mr. Stupid had run. I immediately spoke to the ‘girlfriend’ and told her that Mr. Stupid had checked out of the hotel and gone to Bangkok with his wife and child. I had hoped this would simply see her turn and leave. I was wrong. My mouth fell open when she responded “But he phone me this morning to see if I OK. He tell me he still at Jasmine”. Mr. Stupid was now taking stupidity into previously unchartered territory and I was running out of ways to help him avoid almost certain castration, and, in all probability, far worse!

I thought I would try to play on this girl’s kindly heart as I explained to her that this man was at the hotel with his wife and child. I ventured that her arrival would be likely to create something of an unpleasant situation. “Perhaps” I suggested “It would just be better if you went away and forgot him”. This was, of course, a complete waste of time and, on having accepted that I was neither going to let her up to the guests room nor call his room, she sat herself down at one of our outside tables and announced “I wait him”. Excellent. Top stuff. At some future point there was going to be one almighty row in the front of our hotel and most likely blood would be splattered over the hotel frontage.

Although Mr. Stupid at least had the sense to turn off his mobile phone he had long since lost any form of sympathy from me. My actions now were purely motivated by not wanting an unpleasant scene at the hotel. I decided to tell the young lady that she could not wait for him here as the tables were reserved for guests. It would, therefore, be necessary for her to move away from the hotel. She begrudgingly accepted this and began gathering her possessions that littered the table. Her determination this far had assured me though that she would still stay in the immediate vicinity so we were not ‘out of the woods’ yet. Just as I allowed a small level of relief to come over me Mr. Stupid, accompanied by his wife and child, came down to the foyer. The young lady saw him immediately and marched into the hotel easily brushing past my feeble attempt to prevent her entry.

The screaming and shouting that quickly ensued could no doubt be heard miles away. Mr. Stupid simply gawped as though he were in the middle of a nightmare, which of course he was, and one of his own choosing. It was not long before the first blow landed. Whilst the young lady was a determined being she was no match for the rather powerfully built wife of Mr. Stupid. The girl kicked, screamed and attempted hair pulling whereas Mr. Stupid’s wife simply contented herself with landing several powerful punches to the head and body which soon sent the girl sprawling across the floor. A stream of abuse was then vented by the wife and a kick to the girl’s stomach was the final blow. At this point two staff members assisted me in separating the protagonists. One colleague helped the wounded girl to her feet and had no difficulty in taking her out of the hotel. The feistiness had rather gone from the girls sails by this time. Judging by the power of the blows she had received I think the fight would have gone from me also.

Back at the hotel, and fresh from a warm up bout, Mr. Stupid’s wife was now preparing for the main event. She stood, hands on hips, just staring at Mr. Stupid who still gawped and appeared not to have moved a muscle in several minutes. The main event was rather disappointing and over in a flash. His wife simply removed her wedding ring and threw it at Mr. Stupid before crunching a right hook onto his jaw which saw him in a similar prostrate pose to that which his paramour had been in only moments earlier. The wife, with baby, walked out of the door and I have not seen her since.

Mr. Stupid was full of profuse apologies and still looked bewildered by the events that had just unfolded. I gave him a glass of water sat him down and asked “What were you thinking?” all he could reply was “I don’t know but I never thought that she [the young girl] would come to the hotel”. I suggested that he needed to do some serious apologising although I knew it was unlikely any form of groveling was going to be able to repair the tatters his marriage was now so obviously in. Mr. Stupid checked out of the hotel that evening, a week earlier than he had booked for, and disappeared into the Pattaya night.

I cannot feel sorry for Mr. Stupid. He brought this on himself and he deserved everything he has already received and whatever else will surely follow. I do not know whether their marriage was in a good or bad state and that is not my business. However, if Mr. Stupid wanted to ‘play away’ then that is exactly what he should have done. There are hundreds of establishments he could have taken the girl for a night or two that did not necessitate him crossing the threshold of the hotel he was staying at with his wife.