Days in the Life of a Pattaya Hotel Owner

When I departed from England I presumed I had also left ‘All Fools Day’ behind me. This may be the case but this year it appeared to me that 1st April had become ‘Complete T*****s Day’. I will explain why.

A customer called me in to the internet office complaining that the computer was not working. I went into the office and over to the P.C he was on. It was connected to the internet and had the Hotmail log-in page open.

“What exactly is the problem sir” I enquired

“The bloody computer is broken” he replied

“Well, er, no it does not appear to be broken sir. As you can see you have the computer on, a page on the internet open and the cursor flickering away’

“No the bloody thing is broken. I cannot access my e-mails.”

“OK sir let me see what I can do to assist you here. Can you enter your username and password please?”

Sir duly enters these and presses ENTER. Immediately a message appears stating that an invalid username or password has been entered.

“See there it is. That proves it is broken. That has happened every time I have tried, even when I exit out of the internet and go back in”

“Well actually sir that proves the computer is working but that you are entering an incorrect username or password, hence the message ‘an incorrect username or password has been entered’. I pointed at the message still displayed on the screen to avoid any misunderstanding.

“But I entered a password and it still did not let me in so it must be broken”
“Yes I saw you enter something into the password box but it does appear, sir, that what you entered is, in fact, incorrect. Are you certain you have the correct password and also that you are entering the correct username?”

“Yes the username is right. I do not remember the actual password as it is on a piece of paper I left at home so I just enter some letters”

“Oh I see sir. You do no actually know your password then?”

“Of course I know my bloody password. It is just that I do not have it with me. That is not the point though is it? The bloody computer is not letting me in because the shitty thing is broken”

“Yes, sir, that is very much the point. This is your e-mail account and in order to access it you have to enter the correct password. This is for your own protection as it prevents others from simply entering a series of random numbers and letters then being able to access your messages”

“That’s all b*****ks and double talk isn’t it? You are trying to say this is my fault so I still have to pay even though your bloody computer is not working”

“Well, no, sir, that is not the case. I have many, many things to do rather than concern myself with trying to rob a customer of thirty Baht. However, if it was the fault of the computer I would tell you and change you to another computer. Additionally I would not charge you for the time you have been on this particular computer. However, it is crystal clear that the problem is not with the computer and the reason you cannot access your e-mail messages is due solely to the fact that you cannot remember your own password due to it being written on a piece of paper that is six thousand miles away”

“You are just a stuck up c*** trying to rip people off and I am going to tell all my mates about this place and make sure they never come here”

“Well, sir, I am sorry that you feel that way. However, I will not charge you for using the computer on this occasion but I would ask that when you leave you do not ever return. Is that OK?”

“F*** you, you c***”

The customer duly departed without payment. I can, at least, sit back in the confident knowledge that if he is going to e-mail all his friends and tell them what a nasty person I am then I have very little to worry about!