Days in the Life of a Pattaya Hotel Owner

I had expected the Hua Hin trip to be the end of my second book. The conclusion of the book followed by, hopefully, selling our plot of land, leasing our Pattaya hotel and moving forward as a family for the future — whatever it may hold for us.

“So you go Hua Hin and fuck lady and lick pussy then!!!” Mrs. Boss volleyed as we arrived home from the hotel on my first day back from Hua Hin. This was not a question, you can be sure of that. This was a statement of fact from a woman who believed she had been in a room with me misbehaving with some lady or other.

“What?” was my response (albeit a somewhat startled one). This was most certainly a question.

A rather heated and extremely one sided conversation followed, with me again sitting mouth wide open and totally lost for words. Rarely am I lost for words and now, twice in less than 12 hours, I am in the same position. However, this time there were no secret compartments in my bag that would extricate me from my situation. There were, in fact, no secret compartments anywhere that held anything even remotely capable of protecting me from the venom and the fury that was now being launched in salvos at me.

I had been away for ten days. I spent half the time or more working, although as you are aware Mrs. Boss does not consider my book writing to be work. I am not going to admit or deny any wrong doing on my part to you, in the same way that I refused to even involve myself in this argument with Mrs. Boss. Well, I would have refused to get involved in an argument with Mrs. Boss had she given me time to get a word in, however there was no let up in the ferocity of her verbal assault and I could only sit and gawp!

The word divorce was mentioned so many times that on more than one occasion I began to think about what a ridiculous word it was. I think that’s true of any word we hear and repeat to ourselves over and over again. However, it soon stopped sounding ridiculous and started to take the form of a many headed monster that had been sent to devour me! I know the power and stamina possessed by Mrs. Boss and that eventually she would simply tire and turn away, although this day she seemed rather to be at the peak of her vocal fitness. I imagine I suffered for about an hour, the occasional shrug of a shoulder or my eyes being raised to the ceiling in a look of disbelief but that was the sum total of my contribution.

We retired to bed. Well to be accurate she retired to bed and I crawled off to bed. I was asleep in minutes, so exhausted was I from having to endure a serious assault from Mrs. Boss. It should be added here, for the sake of clarity, that the beds we retired to were different beds, in different rooms on different floors of the house! At least I had our large double bed which made for a very comfortable sleep.

The following morning I ventured, rather warily, downstairs and was confronted by Mrs. Boss — batteries recharged — once again hurling her vitriol in my direction. I made a coffee, turned on the computer and endeavoured to check my email as a means to blanking out the constant stream of abuse being hurled at me. They were the same words as the previous evening, simply in a slightly different order, but again all sentences seemed to contain the word divorce. Mrs. Boss spent another hour or so abusing me before heading off to our hotel where she would no doubt be using the time to think of further abuse to hurl upon her return.

Had it not been for Sam and James I know I would simply have packed my bags, called a taxi and left the family abode. There is no point my entering a pointless argument and even less point in me sitting there being abused hour after hour every moment we are together. James had stayed at home and I spent the day playing with him and wondering if he thought his father had been up to some strange act with a cat. So often had I been accused of licking pussy in the rows that had taken place since my return that I was actually waiting for him to ask me what the phrase meant — God forbid that he already knows!

Around 5:00PM I had gone up to the master bedroom to watch the golf whilst James was glued to the Cartoon Network channel downstairs. An hour or so later, the room door opened and Mrs. Boss entered. Here we go again, I thought. I was slightly taken aback when she smiled and handed me a glass of fresh orange juice and announced, in her normal tones, that she had got some food for us downstairs. I looked rather warily at the orange liquid wondering what deadly poison possibly lay inside, but decided that trying to kill me really was not Mrs. Boss’s style — not in any underhanded way such as poisoning, that is!

I went downstairs and the outside table was full of food and Mrs. Boss had brought our ex-dog, Hiphop, over from the neighbour’s house. We sat and chatted about her day and mine, about the weather here and in Hua Hin, played and chatted with James, fed the dog and rubbed his stomach. It was one of those normal family moments, everything was peace and tranquility, normality had descended upon us although where on Earth it had come from and how long it would last I had no idea!

Life has its way of smacking us in the face with a wet kipper from time to time. For me life appears to be one long wet-kipper face-smacking episode. However, occasionally, very occasionally, the smacking stops and life is fun. The children are playing and laughing, business is good and we have competent staff at the hotel and Mrs. Boss and I get along like every other happily married couple. Perhaps, for the time being the kippers have been dispensed with, perhaps, though, the kippers are merely being rested before some form of heinous revenge is reaped.

What happens next, only the future can tell us. I do not know if you will get to read about it, I do not even know if I will continue my writing or, if I do, whether it will be related to my own life. However, if I do decide to continue to complete a Riff-Raffles trilogy I hope you will be there to follow my journey.