Realizing the End of My Marriage in Thailand
It soon became clear to me that somehow the seasickness incident of the previous week had stirred something far darker in Mrs. Boss than I had imagined. She had arrived in Udon Thani the morning of the day that Peter and I had arranged to meet up for our marathon pool-and-beer-drinking session. Mrs. Boss had been made well aware of the date before she had departed and it was therefore something of a surprise to receive a call from her early in our pool exchanges that was pure vitriol. I stood mouth agape for a minute or more as all sorts of wild and completely ridiculous accusations were being hurled at me and eventually decided the best thing to do was switch the phone off. Now cutting Mrs. Boss off deliberately takes a lot of guts and you know that if you ever undertake such action then you will be unleashing “the beast” from within her. It was therefore with total justification that, when she was calling again some 30 seconds later, I left the phone alone — I saw no benefit whatsoever in picking it up and she was several hundred miles away, gone for a week and thus had ample time to calm down and return to planet Earth!
The phone call did rather knock me off my stride, albeit true to say that I had by that time not quite gotten into my stride. Peter was playing the best pool I have seen from him and he ran away with the match winning by the very comfortable margin of 19 to 11. We followed the pool-and-beer session with a curry — how very British of us — and were home by around 9:00PM. I did a little work before retiring to bed and found myself to be more than just a tad confused by Mrs. Boss’ recent behaviour. I would have understood if her recent anger was following the wake of our arguments during and following my return from Hua Hin. However, I had believed all of those difficulties had been resolved and could not bring myself to believe a reduced spell of dangling a line in the sea was the reason for this magnitude of marital mayhem. Women — Thai women in particular — I will never understand them!
I worked the next day and had a few phone calls from Udon Thani, all from my son James. The next day was very much the same and the next followed a similar pattern. Okay, I was not speaking with my wife but I believed that we at least had sufficient distance between us for her to calm down and when she returned, the present nonsense would be behind us. Another day passed and the next day she was due to return to Pattaya — a phone call from James made it clear this was not happening and that they would be staying an extra day in Udon Thani. Another extra day followed by another extra day before eventually Mrs. Boss returned, late one afternoon, to the hotel and completely ignored me. As she was carrying a scowl across her face that would have scared a saber tooth tiger to death I was not displeased about being ignored, although it was rather evident that the return to sweetness and light was not going to happen as I had imagined.
I sat outside the hotel the night after Mrs. Boss’ return and by this time over 36 hours had passed and we had not exchanged one single word. Peter arrived at the hotel with Angela and we had a drink before Angela decided she would go and introduce herself to Mrs. Boss. What now follows has changed the course of my life more dramatically than I could have ever imagined and what the future now holds for my wife, my children and, of course, myself, I have no idea.
Angela sat and chatted for a couple of hours with Mrs. Boss before heading off back to her hotel with Peter. She then sent me an email detailing her conversation believing, quite rightly, that it would have been inappropriate to simply sit and talk with me immediately after her discussions with Mrs. Boss. “My head is full but my heart is empty. It is over. I going to divorce.†These were the first words uttered by Mrs. Boss to Angela, a person she had never met before. They still jump off the page and grasp me around the neck every time I read them. The rest was more of the same, what she is going to do, how much she dislikes me and a list of sins I am supposed to have committed! On and on it went, with Angela endeavouring to be fair but rather taking Mrs. Boss’ side, as is to be expected of another woman.
To say I was perplexed would be an understatement of gargantuan proportions. As I have said, I had absolutely no idea why or how the present situation evolved and, being a person who functions through the employment of logic, found myself flapping my wings wildly but making absolutely no headway through the wind of change that was now blowing in my direction. As far as definitive moments go this particular moment in my life had to be up there high on the list. I still believe death is at number-one spot and, whilst it will be difficult to dislodge, Mrs. Boss appeared to be doing her very best to reach the pinnacle of definitivity. I tried to gather my thoughts but they were strewn all over the place and unwilling participants in my attempts to get a handle on recent events. It was in this midst of complete confusion that I began to realise that I already knew my relationship with Mrs. Boss was at its end. In fact I knew this several months ago but the feelings I had experienced did not have the sense to tell me what they were. Instead the lurked around in my subconscious, they weighed me down to the point of depression and they clawed away at my every fibre refusing even Prozac as a means of dispelling them. Yes, the depression I suffered through November, December and January was because I knew the end of my seven year relationship with Mrs. Boss was on the horizon — it was just that my conscious being had not been let into the secret!
Whose fault is this breakdown? Is it me, have I done something so very wrong that I have turned my wife against me? Is it her, has she had so many dreams about my misbehaving that she has turned them into reality? Does it matter whose fault it is anyway? No, it is probably a complete irrelevance. Blame serves no useful purpose other than to cleanse guilt from the hands of those that use it. Blame is the crutch of the weak, the pikestaff for those who cannot face the truth and learn to deal with it. I have many faults, I have committed many sins, I am not brave in the sense that I will wrestle with lions, but I am not a coward and I will face my demons head on and I will endeavour to slay them.
It was through the realisation of what my depression had been about that I began to feel more empowered. I had known this moment was coming several months before it knocked on the door. I was ready for it although I did not know this until now. I could deal with everything handed to me and I could, and would, fight my corner to ensure justice played a fair hand. In England, at the turn of the decade, I suffered a horrendous defeat at the hands of my then partner, I managed to save my business but that was at the expense of everything else I owned, save the proverbial shirt on my back. That was not going to happen again — I would be prepared to be fair, even slightly more than fair, but I was not going to walk away a broken man this time around. The children, their education and their futures were paramount in my thoughts. How they would cope with the separation of their parents I did not know but it was necessary for me to ensure that whatever actions I took had as limited a negative impact upon them as possible. None of this was their fault after all, so why should they suffer any more than would be absolutely necessary?
Kevin
Yes, this is a tough time. I know because I am also going through the same. It is good that you have put the priority on your child…hopefully your wife will do the same.
I hope your wife has not been pulling a fast one behind your back and preparing for this day by moving some of the finances around. I am certain you have been checking up on all your joint, personal and business accounts. I do not own a business…so can not imagine going through a divorce, with money and credit floating around. I hope all goes will with you and this can be done in a calm, rational, fair manner.
My divorce was a bit different in the sense that it was no shock to anyone (including our son). We had been separated for over 3 years until we made the divorce final. Part of that was me working overseas (Kuwait, Philippines, Thailand) but part was intentional. By the time we divorced neither was mad or upset…that had passed awhile ago. Overall it was an easy split, considering that she got a pretty good settlement (but I knew that was going to happen, divorce laws in America are not fair at all, always siding with the woman).
Well, I hope this works out for you and keep the blogged updated. If you keep the hotel I will definitely stay there for a few weeks in December and we will go out for a few beers. No need to get a kitchen pass…we will be both be free men, lol. Take care,
Chief
Dear Chief,
Thanks for the moral support. Things are always tough in this situation whoever you are and wherever you may live. One just has to get through it the best one can.
I have a few business ideas and am starting to get these going now - through a third party so nothing will be directly in my name at the present time. More news on this will follow on the Blog in due course.
Once again thank you and I look forward to seeing you here at Jasmine later in the year and, yes, a beer would be most pleasant.
Best Regards,
Kevin
Hi Kevin,
As before, I am very sorry to read this. I hope for your kids you and mrs. Boss can somehow still be friends in some way. I managed that with my ex wife, and yes it takes some doing…
Take care of yourself, and if I can do anything (I don’t know what, but be creative
) just let me know.
Cheers!
Hi Fred,
Thanks for the message. Everything is fine with me and I moved from the hotel last week which has proved to be a good decision so far. Mrs. Boss now talks to me which is a vast difference from simply hurling abuse at me - when I visit the hotel which I do about five days a week.
I am off to Hua Hin with a pal of mine on Monday for a few days as we start to get down to the nitty gritty on our new business venture.
See you soon, take care,
Kevin
Hi Kevin,
You know. Problems with a Thai wife wouldn’t be so bad if one doesn’t taking girls back to one’s hotel for short-time engagements.
Thai’s may not be geniuses, but they are not stupid.
It would be a wise move for one to completely finalise a divorce prior to advancing upon fresh meat (especially if that fresh meat works for you).
Cheers,
lopez
Dear Lopez,
Personally I agree with you and that is not a move I would likely make! Something about doing or not doing certain things on one’s own doorstep apply whether one is married or not!
Best Regards,
Kevin
Hi MR. Kevin I hope you are ok!
PLease, look up yourself before you comment your wife and your family or you want to promotion yourself and want to sale your book!!
Think??? Thank you.
ROSE….
Dear Kevin
I have enjoyed reading your stories and also your book. Usually when I make a trip to Thailand I pick up several books to read that will in someway help me to understand 1. the thai way of life through the eyes of a foreigner 2. the personal struggle one has to understand thais, and what better way than from somebody like yourself who has obviously had plenty!
Unlike a lot of books yours appeared to be not only an account of the day to day running of a hotel but an appraisal of very personal struggles with your wife, almost making me think that in writing the book you were able to get the frustrations that had been building up off your chest - was this book really meant for the general public or for your wife to read, in fact what does she think of the book. Did you write the book and then once published realise your situation with her was doomed.
I myself have had difficult relationships then who hasn’t and especially with thai women but I usually put this down to how easy it is to form a relationship with a woman in Thailand when in the west we all appear to tread more cautiously. One thing for sure I certainly do not want to be in that catagory of over weight, balding, drunken time wasters that occupy half the population of Pattaya in high season and are only good for putting their hand in their back pockets. I think you convinced me that another breed of foreigner exists in Thailand, but what of thai women? The money grabbing flusey type who promises instant romance, marriage and a chance start a new life, or the shop assistant you met in 7/11 who has never worked in a bar, struggles to survive and look after her family but really the end product is the same or is it - are they really just after our money?
Anyway Kevin I hope if this book is just a personal tribute to your failed marriage it has helped you to come to some sort of resolve, I would look forward to reading a book written by your wife if she ever did one as I do not think I have read an account from a thai woman’s life with a ferang in the way you have written about your experiences.
So long Kevin……….
Melvin
Dear Rose,
Er..I think you are really Mrs boss is disguise - you do realise IP addresses are checked don’t you? Anyway thank you for your comments!
Dear Melvin,
Thank you for your thoughts. I must say that in all honesty I do not believe Riff-Raffles was written as my struggle with my wife although understand one could perhaps read it that way. During that time my deamons where in endeavouring to come to terms with a new country and a new and very different culture. Perhaps I could not see the wood for the trees a couple of years back although the timber is very much clearer today.
Pattaya is a vice city. Most visitors are there for the sex which makes the place amongst the worlds biggest brothels. I remember reading a letter from someone who, replying to a man who could not find true love in Pattaya, enquired as to whether the original writer would go to Kings Cross station to find a wife were he still living in the U.K? The fact is prostitutes do not make good wives in the main! There will always be exceptions that prove the rule but I would suggest over 90% of girls in Pattaya whether working in a bar, go-go or shop purely want what a farang keeps in his wallet! That is the nature of the place.
I am not criticising the girls nor the farangs who fall for them. I would suggest though any farang treats a relationship purely as a business deal. Take the lady, go out with her if you wish, take her to your home or hotel, sleep with her and then pay her the money and say farewell. You can go through the same routine with the same girl for as long as you choose but just make sure it is an arrangement that ultimately just offers cash for sex. Given the girls here it is not a bad deal now is it?
I cannot speculate on girls from the rest of Thailand although my personal feelings are that, these days, most of them are aware that they can squeeze cash from a farang even if they are an Issan farmer. The fact is also that most middle class Thai girls would both not want nor be allowed to date a farang so our chances are always limited primarily to the rural poor.
My final thought on this relates to age and something I have written about before. People have to get serious - there is nowhere on this planet a 20 something pretty little thing is going to fall in love with a 50 year old man. It doesn’t happen anywhere, EVER!! Enjoy the realtionship with a young girl by all means but please, please, please do not think it is love!
Dear Kevin
Thank you for your reply, it was more than I expected to receive. I am not so eloquent a writer as you and would surely struggle to write a book about my experiences whilst travelling. Here alone in Thailand I think I have had more than my fair share compared to some Ferangs who reside here on a more permanent basis.
Funnily your analogy about finding true love around Kings X station is one I myself have often used when trying to illustrate what happens here in Thailand. I will suggest that it is pretty unlikely for most men to even consider meeting a nice young lady hogging the roadside outside a busy mainline station in London, to exchange cash and then email each other romantically until the next chance meeting. The idea of this to me is a complete turn off and reserved for those who are either blind drunk and in no control of themselves or so desperate to relieve themselves of both sexual frustration and money. I usually think women who sell their bodies and not their soul in Thailand are part of an entertainment industry which appears to be very well established. Its fun and should only be taken in such fashion. But on both sides of the coin and this is where confusion sets in are individuals who are in fact looking for more, and when handed to them on a plate it is almost reassuring don’t you think? From my own personal point of view and experience although limited I’m sure I think I have been very lucky to meet thai women in every quarter who have shown me what I believe to be a sincere response. Pattaya I believe when I am fortunate, unfortunate to be there has many different types individuals and I stress individuals who roam the streets and bars etc looking for a suitable ferang and not just for money { name me one country in the world where a woman is not interested in her security in exchange for a sincere partner in a long term relationship. When it goes foul as is often the case if you talk to a lot of ferang men who find themselves even in Pattaya, there is a nasty divorce settlement involving money and estate. I have myself been divorced 2 times and I believe I am still paying for these lost opportunities in life 18 yrs after the event. When we commit ourselves to a responsibility there is always a price.
Just today I received a call from a girl I picked up from Performance bar nearly 4yrs ago. She was then what they call a freelancer. I was recommended to her by a friend from England who wanted me to pass on his ‘regards’, how he imagined I would do this I do not know how but it did not leave much for the imagination to work out when I saw her - an absolute stunner - We sat and had a few drinks and I spoke about my friend in positive way and was ready to say goodbye to her. She asked me where I was staying and then suggested coming with me. I was gobsmacked and wasted no time accepting the proposal but did manage to slip in a comment of ‘ well what about my friend ‘ She said she was not interested in him as she beleived him to be a butterfly so could not trust him. So well you do not need me to explain details and to cut a long story short I ended up in her village in Issan the next time I came to Thailand and met her 12 year old daughter and mother. She herself was only 28. Yes and I am one of those old men who it is unlikely would be with a young woman in her twenties and find true love or even respect. This is a subject I can certainly write more about but for now I will stick to the story and apologies now if I am boring you.
I ended up buying her family a rai of land as with her fathers recent death they were in jeapardy of losing their house and land as the agreement between her father and the landlord was verbal and they were being forced to vacate. Well it transpires that they did have a right to stay and buy the land from the owner at a very small price. In the meantime she and myself had formed what I thought was a good friendship but I was under no illusion. How could I have a proper relationship with a woman who lived half way around world and anyway I love my country and family and friends and had no reason to pack my belongings and move. We have had absences of making contact and it almost fizzled out. I had realised I had bought this land but they did not really need it, as they now had the land they had been living on for many years. So today she tells me that not only is my name on the title deeds but she is going to give me the chanot paper. She is now living in Pattaya with her Nowegian boyfriend and did not want me to think that she just wanted my money!!
Kevin can I ask you a very personal question, but it is obviously going to become public, did you meet your wife in a bar? In the book where it introduces you and your family you do not say anything about how you two met, but the whole book is about you two, with the hotel as a back drop. The comments you give about women and their relationships with ferang men in Pattaya generally are they second hand only? During the time you have spent in Pattaya you have been in a marital relationship with your wife and moved out from what I can deduce from your blogs in August of this year. Did you come to Pattaya prior to getting married? Sorry but I feel that your own personal experiences would hold more weight on this sometimes delicate subject, delicate because I recall from your book you have been wrongly accused.
I am tired now to write anymore and I will be surprised if you read it all without falling asleep.
PS I am trying to keep up with your your life after the book so do not give up writing
So long Kevin
Melvin
Dear Melvin,
Thank you for the longest reply I have ever received on he Blog and an interesting story.
I met my wife in Phuket where she had travelled from her home town in Issan to visit her sister. She was not working anywhere when I met her but endeavouring to raise two children - Pakpao was then about 12 and Sam was soon to be 5.
Six months (and two further meetings) after we first met Jin joined me in England. After a month there I hada sked her to marry me and a month later she became pregnant. We married in England in July 2001 and Sam came over to live in England a month or so later.
I have to say the nearly three years we lived together in England were the happiest times of my life domestically and not only because of the birth of my son, James. I have often wondered how different our lives may have been had we stayed in the U.K a few more years as was our original plan. Having said that, and despite my preent relationship problems, wild horses could not drag me back to England - Thailand is now very much my home.
Thanks for contributing, it is much appreciated.
regards,
Kevin
Dear Kevin
I am glad you had time to read my message, this one will be a lot shorter I promise.
Thankyou for telling me how and when you met your wife and my gut feeling tells me that you are probably right about staying in London and the effect it would of had on your marriage, I guess you would still be together. The UK has a tendency to change people quite dramatically if they move from their country of origin as does Thailand for us.
Your wife is now playing on home ground and therefore has a lot more support. You on the other hand are still a visitor and my guess is that you will always be a visitor [ I am not trying to teach grandmother how to suck eggs ] I do however unlike you have to go back to the UK, my survival demands it. Maybe your first book would discourage me from wanting to stay - maybe your second book will change my mind. Maybe for anyone to think about living in Thailand its important to strip away some of the values we have back home and adopt new ones and at least make an effort to learn the language so as not to be always handicapped.
I wish you positive success in your separation, if thats at all possible, but I suppose I am thinking more about the children you have been very much part of. There support relies very much on their parents equally contributing. To fight over material things in a divorce always manages to upset this karma and I can never understand why people let this happen. We come into this world with nothing and leave with nothing so why do we burden ourselves with objects.
You come across as a very successful man, in relative terms so surely this is how your children should see you and gain their respect, not as the bickering father who is bitter about his financial losses. I am not suggesting that this is who you are but looking from the outside in, and having been in a similar situation to yourself I am now enjoying a happy life with my one and only child who can never accuse me of being greedy as I walked away from her mother leaving everything I had worked for behind and we are closer for it. She is now married happily and has her own child. Her relationship with her mother on the other hand is less stable. What more does a man need in life other than the respect from his own children because he damn well won’t get it elsewhere……..
So long Kevin and I look forward to reading your next book at the end of the year and in the meantime your stories on this site.
Melvin
Dear Melvin,
Unlike many who would sit at the end of a bar bemoaning their fate I have chosen to get off my backside and do something whilst waiting for the legal wranglings to be resolved.
With a friend - and a few borrowed Baht as I have absolutely no money in my own name at the moment - we are setting up a restaurant which will be opened in early November.
This is unlikely to make me rich but will provide me, at least, with an income as I wait for almost twelve more months before the divorce reaches court.
The boys are presently fine and I do not involve them in my situation with Mrs. Boss, however, it is quite clear that she has no such boundaries. This is a shame and I will continue to keep the children out of the fight regardless of the provocation.
Life is a magical mystery tour and we none of us really know what may happen in the next hour, day, week or month. We have to keep our sense of proportion whilst also fighting for what we believe to be right.
Thailand may seem the ideal place to live and if one were to retire here with cash in the bank then I am sure happiness and fulfillment would follow. For me though the place is full of intrigue and constant moving of goal posts and, I suppose, that is why I love living here so much!
Regards,
Kevin
Dear Kevin
I wish you all the best and Gods speed in your approaching developments.
Is your restaurant in Hua Hin? Hope to sample the menu one day. In the mean time I will have to return to the UK and generate some more funds and continue in the real world, real for me at least until I can move some goal posts myself.
Best wishes
Melvin
Dear Melvin,
The restaurant is in East Pattaya - Soi Khao Noi. Very traditional English fare! I am excited about it especially as it is the first thing I will have done here without the assistance of Mrs. Boss. More will follow once we are ready to open. However, what is certain is that it is already giving rise to a new series of stories!
All the best,
Kevin
hi kevin … i am 124 pages into your book and am enjoying it immensely. your descriptions of your day to day frustrations are very familiar for all us living in the Kingdom but i like your witty style of presenting it. sorry to hear the news … hope you get your new business running succesfully … stay well cheers julian (bangkok).
Dear Julian
Thanks. Every day seems like one is born again and having to learn everythibng afresh. Oh well, c’est la vie or mai pen rai, at least one does not get old here!!
Best Wishes,
Kevin
IS LONG TIME I AM NOT RENDING ABOUT STORY LIE TODAY I AM AT JASMINE MANSION YOU CAN TELL EVERY BODY ABOUT YOUR LIE STORY YOU WALK AWAY FROM ME BECUESE YOU WANT TO BE FREE DOM NOT THING TO DO WITH ME AND MY SON MY BUSSNET IF SOME BODY WANT TO SEE ME HERE I AM!! FOR YOUR STORY LIE IT MAKE ME FILL SICK OR ALL WRIT BACK TO YOU THAT YOUR FRIENDS ?? YOU TELL ME BEFORE ABOUT THAILAND IS LAND OF LIE AND FALANGS ALL STUBIT NOT YOUR STYE YOU DON’T LIKE TO TALK TO THEM BUT NOW YOUR LIE WITH EVERY BODY WHAT YOU WANT PRO MOUST YOUR SELF OR PRO MOUST YOUR BOOK ??MY NEAM IS JITTARUD JAID NOT MISS BOSS FOR LIE MAN WHO CALLING ME TO PROMOUST HIM SELF I HOPE SOME BODY WHO HAVE BREND REND MY COMMENT THANKS YOU.
Dear Jin alias Mrs. Boss alias Rose,
I could, of course, have your comments delted, however, I choose not to. It is a free world, in the main, and everyone should have the chance to speak.
If you want to know why I left you then (a) you should have listened on the thousands of occassions I endeavoured to talk with you and (b) should know that you carry a heavy burden through your actions on what has transpired in our marriage.
I believe, and others will tell you better than I, that all through my writings I have endeavoured to portray you as an honest, hard working yet feisty person. I am not so insecure as to think the breakdown of our relationship is all your fault and as I have said many times before “it takes two to make a relationship and two to break one.”
If you think my writing is full of lies then you have a serious problem. Whilst I have always admitted that in some stories I may ‘gild the lilly’ for the sake of my art (now I am laughing) and others are perhaps two separate tales merged into one everything is basically true and the way things have happened. As regards the stories concerning our marriage failure then these are all totally the way I have seen things and are my perspective on the present situation.
What is clear is how DIFFERENTLY you and I see life and therefore ending our marriage is the most sensible course of action for both of us, regardless of who may be the most at fault!
Again I wish you well, I wish you a long and happy life and you are welcome to post your comments on here at any time.
Regards,
Kevin
HI!!1 KEVEN YOU HAVE SO HAMSOMMAN THANK TO WRITE BACK YOU MUCH SAY THANK TO ME TO HOLP YOU TO PROMOUT YOUR BOOK!!!!
WOW!!! I AM SO SAD I CAN NOT WORK WITH OUT YOU SO SAD NOT HAPPY LIFE SAD SAD SAD!!!I AM SO BED LOOKING NO BODY WANT
I HOLP YOU TO HAVE GOOGLIFE YOU TO HANSOMMAN GOOD LOOKING EVERY BODY WILL WANT YOU TO BE WITH HOW ABOUT YOU HAIR IT GROW UP SAME YOUR BREND???
OR NOTI WILL SENT YOU MY PHOTO YOU CAN SHOW TO SANE BODY WHO WANT TO NKOW ABOUT ME
THANK
Dear Rose,
Thank you for your recent pictures. Unfortunately though I will not be posting them as the ‘Spot the Katoey’ competition finished last year!!
Dear Kevin
I hope you are settling in to your new life. I have been keeping up with the developments of inevitable break from Jin, Mrs Boss alias Rose and realise that you have both become tabloid celebreties, second to the current no.1 candidates Madonna and Guy Ritchie although somehow I find your story more interesting.
What I do notice is that when your wife writes to you it is at first difficult to understand her writing style, she stuggles to express herself in English whereas you reply to her as if she can understand your flamboyant style. Maybe if you wrote in a more simplified manner you would possibly begin to communicate with each other - is this why maybe you both have problems. I remember my father who is quite an intelectual, saying to me when I was a young boy not to complicate things by trying to be clever with language. I realise now that he is right, being understood is one of the great achievments in ones life especially when the person(s) you are intimate with matter. For you to write English to her and not Thai is obviously simple but how would it be if you were to answer her in Thai and for her to write to you in her mother tongue, would you understand?
Regards Melvin
Dear Melvin,
I do appreciate your comments and agree with what you say. However, this is my Blog and not a forum for having an open discussion with my wife by my own choosing. If she wishes to write on here then that is fine but my responses will be those I feel are synonymous with the Blog itself.
Believe me I have had more conversations than I care to recall with Mrs. Boss that have borne no fruit whatsoever and I am never listened to - whether I use words with one or ten syllables! I tried for well over two years to find some common ground but reached the point where I no longer had the energy or the inclination to try anymore. It was a very difficult time, possibly the most painful I have experienced and I felt alone, isolated and, to a large degree, trapped. The moment I started to break the chains that bound me I started to rediscover myself and my own sense of worth.
The next twelve months will not be easy and the result of the divorce at the end of that time may prove to be a disaster for me financially. However, life is about being content with oneself, about enjoying the time we have on this earth. If I have no money then I just have to go and make some….again!
As I have said here before I wish my wife no harm and hope that at some stage (soon!) she will be able to let the anger go and move forward to a happier place herself.
Best Regards,
Kevin
Dear Kevin - thank you for your reply
I hope you appreciate that I am only an observer in this matter and seeing that you have made it public allows me and anybody else the temptation to comment as I am sure there are many out there including myself who have also suffered under that illusion of marriage. Perhaps you have hung your dirty washing out so we can all see the otherside of what could otherwise appears to be the idyllic lifestyle you were trying to find in the first place. I cannot help think that you yourself in retrospect must be thinking what an idiot I have been to trust in a completely different system and culture. Having read the last few accounts of the continuing story of you troubles with your wife I still can’t help thinking about your child(ren) as you have rarely made reference to them. The priority seems to be on material matters and money. I appreciate that you might be borasic but this is not the fault of your children, where do they come into the picture of things, and what enjoyment have you had with them since you left. We the general public and maybe I am the only one are worried about your relationship with them, especially when in your book you write about your own family problems and what appears to be a total lack of parental support ( this is not meant to offend as you did only give a skeletal outline of your upbringing and I am trying to read between the lines ) is this going to happen to them as life does have a weird way of repeating itself. From your book you do speak very highly of your children as you do (did) of your wife also, but now its only critisism of your present situation.
My advice to you is to lay off things until such a moment when things have calmed down, time heals and then maybe all parties will be more forgiving. Spend as much time with your children and care for their welfare and they will grow to understand and even support the situation which could be in your favour. Most women in this world respect a man for fullfilling his paternal role, and the children do especially, it will be the best investment you could ever make.
If your wife can also achieve this then I think you can sit down and come to a healthier solution but maybe you should be just a little more patient and lay off the legal vendetta - its still early days - what have you got to lose, if you have your paperwork in order they aren’t going to disappear.
May you God be with you
Melvin
Dear Melvin,
Your reply and all of your comments are welcomed as are those of anyone. I do not have all of the answers, I know that and I also that I am not the brightest star in the sky. My kids are deliberately kept on the periphery of my writing as they are too young to fend for themselves or defend anything I may say that gets thrown at them. I accept though that our divorce is now there in the public domain but my writings will only ever barely touch on them ot their lives.
I know you mean well but you really have to endure what I have been through to fully understand things. I have tried for two years to balance my relationship and over the last six months given everything to endeavour to reach anamicable solution. Mrs. Boss still shouts and screams of me now the way she did all those months ago - how long does one wait for a womans scorn to be pacified?
I want the divorce sorted out as soon as possible for everyone’s sake, including my own. It, however, appears though that this will go to court and then possibly appeal after appeal (if Mrs. Boss is to be believed).
My step-son and daughter have both told me what they think and made it clear, that whilst they still love me, they believe it is their duty to stand by their mother - I have told them that is quite correct and I applaud their loyalty. Young James, on the other hand, is six but with the ability to often think like, or better, than most adults, myself included. I will simply end this reply wih James’s quote of the day last weekend: “Daddy, mummy says many things to stop me loving you but you are my Dad and I am not nor do I want to ever stop loving you.”
NOT ONLY YOU WRIT SYORY LIE BUT MOW YOU ALLSO TOLD LIE TO EVERY ONE
YOU STAY WITH SOMBODY WALK AWAY ME AND 10 BILLIN BAHT 1GILL 2 BOYS WITH ME WHO I HAVE TO TAKE CARE WHAT YOU WANT???
LOOK YOUR HERE . YOUR BRAND YOU SALF OK????
GOOD BUY
Dear ‘Rose’,
I keep trying to tell you to listen! Your constant shouting and screaming achieves nothing except an ever deepening problem. You even disconnected my phone becuase it was registered in your name although I paid the bills!
You are being spiteful and but hurting yourself more than anyone else.
All I want is for you to calm down, sit around a table with your lawyer and my lawyer and reach an agreement that will work for both of us and, hopefully, start to bring an end to your obvious pain.
Dear ‘Rose’,
I though it may be worth adding a short additional reply to your recent comments concerning you having three children to look after and B10,000,000 is loans/mortgages to service.
Firstly you omitted to mention that you are presently enjoying all of the income from the hotel; living in the family house and generally controlling our assets worth in the region of B60,000,000.
You should then think back to when we met in December 2000 when you had two children to care for and not even B500 to your name!
You have climbed up the ladder of success on the back of what I achieved in the U.K and through the incresed value in the properties and land we have purchased here. I have offered you a settlement that sees us both get 50% of the assets and you have declined this so what else can I do except fight for my rights through the courts?
Kevin