Days in the Life of a Pattaya Hotel Owner

I have enjoyed the pleasure of working the graveyard shift over the last five days. I start work around 6:00PM and am still on duty until Mrs. Boss arrives at Jasmine Mansion at 10:00AM. Unfortunately my body does not cope to well with nighttime working and, after a couple of nights, it starts to fall apart at the seams. At least these particular tribulations are almost at an end, as a new night receptionist has been employed and promises to start work tomorrow…but we all know what Pattaya promises are worth, so fingers crossed until then!

We have also added to our staffing levels by allowing Dan to return to work with us. He telephoned to explain his abrupt departure a couple of months ago was due to him disliking, intensely, Jed whom we had appointed hotel manager. He had heard Jed had gone and would like to return. I suggested he speak to Mrs. Boss and that she would call him later to discuss his proposal. Despite our current sourness, I had absolutely no doubt that she would tear Dan to shreds and thus use off some of her venom that may otherwise be spat in my direction. I could not believe it when she told me she had re-employed this insane being!

So here Dan is again, now prancing around like a fairy on heat and telling me how hard he will work, how his tales earlier in the year were because he was close to having a breakdown and how much he loved working here at Jasmine Mansion. I respond to his utterances with a dismissive air, the way I behave towards my children when they are just overdoing the silliness routine that children all seem to feel the need to go through from time to time. However, Mrs. Boss enjoyed Dan’s attention which he lavished upon her as if the well of attention could never run dry. He would sit, with legs crossed over and one palm on top of the other hand with them both resting on the uppermost knee, and practically salivate at every word she spoke. If she were to say, “all gay people should be shot!”, I am certain Dan would be agreeing wholeheartedly with her and offering to get the guns!

Dan is still telling lies though. They may not be as big as the lies he told us in January and February, but they are lies nonetheless. The fact is that he is not a very convincing liar, he can spin a yarn about that there are no doubts, but it all unravels the moment anyone raises a question or two about whatever subject matter is he has engaged upon. I do not even bother to listen to Dan. I overhear him and so long as he is not endeavouring to con my customers then I really do not care — at the moment another body, even Dan’s, is a necessity. I had made it quite clear to Mrs. Boss how I felt about Dan and she was in total agreement, a rare treat for me these days I can assure you. It was therefore something of a surprise when Mrs. Boss told me she was going out one evening to see Dan’s condominium in nearby Jomtien one evening. “He doesn’t have a bloody condo!” I had replied but my words were wasted. Worse still was that I had to listen to her telling me how wonderful the bloody condo was when she returned home at 2:00AM, how it overlooked to sea and was in a wonderful development!

April has been a good month from the business perspective and around 50 percent up on last year. Although overall we are still down on last year’s figures, due primarily to a disastrous January as a result of the noise from the work at the next-door premises, a few good months now and we could possibly claw back the deficit before the end of the third quarter. This improvement in our fortunes has gone some way to my being able to cope with Dan’s presence and, at least, he was able to sell rooms, which seems a task too far for most reception staff! Dan had recently sold four rooms to a group of men from Liverpool, England — and true scousers they really were. The guys had booked for four days and at the end of that time, three of them vacated their rooms and headed off elsewhere leaving just one. He would also have joined them at their new home-away-from-home, however, found it beyond him to get out of bed prior to 6:00PM and, for him, far too late to do anything save go out for another session on the beer.

As a rule, we ask for payment in advance or swipe a Credit Card prior to a person we do not know occupying a room. Guests who have stayed with us before can pay how and when they choose, but I am not in the habit of giving credit to those I do not know. Dan, on the other hand, had seen fit to extend my arm of friendship to these guys and had been rather cocky when the three who left all paid their accounts — although it took a lot of work by Mrs. Boss to get them to agree to our calculations. However, Jimmy, the remaining scouser, was a different matter. We had to move him, we had bookings and we were full so Jimmy had to go. We had been calling his room since 11:00AM to wake him and remind him that this was his checkout day. We were still calling at 3:00PM and there was now only an hour before the new guest arrived. Eventually, Jimmy made his way downstairs, unshaven, disheveled and still inebriated from his previous drinking bout, which he told us, did not finish until 7:00AM.

Mrs. Boss approached Jimmy with his account, he was sitting and having a cup of coffee — walking to the reception counter was not something he appeared to have the energy for. After staring at the account for a few minutes, he told us he would have to go to the bank as he had no money. He started to leave the hotel with his suitcase before Mrs. Boss halted his exit. “Of course you can go to the bank but one of my staff will come with you and also you have to leave your luggage here,” he was told. This was enough for the pin to fly out of Jimmy’s, mental hand grenade and he started shouting and swearing, making no sense but a considerable noise. His shouting and Mrs. Boss steadfastness continued for a good 30 minutes before two things were perfectly clear (a) Jimmy had no money and (b) Mrs. Boss was not letting him out of her sights until he either paid or severed off his own right leg and gave it to her by way of a deposit! Eventually Mrs. Boss telephoned the police, who arrived shortly after, and carted Jimmy off to the station. Mrs. Boss went out of the hotel intent on also going to the police station to press charges, however, and rather fortunately, one of Jimmy’s pals had seen him bundled into the police car, stopped the vehicle to enquire as to the problem and immediately promised to pay the hotel account on Jimmy’s behalf.

Dan had been on a day’s leave, fortunately for him, when the incident with Jimmy occurred. However, his error had come close to costing us money and also losing our perfect record of having never been cheated out of payment by a customer. We waited the next morning to speak with Dan. We would tell him that only Mrs. Boss or I could permit someone to stay without payment and that were he, or any other staff member, to do so they would face instant dismissal. We waited for more than an hour past Dan’s anticipated arrival time before Mrs. Boss called to ascertain his whereabouts. The phone call went unanswered. The day past and there we neither saw nor heard from Dan. It was not until we got home that Mrs. Boss informed me that Dan also had one of our motorbikes, which she had allowed him to borrow. The following day was also Danless! His continued absence eventually resulted in Mrs. Boss driving out to his condominium — of course, only to find that it was not his condominium! In fact the supervisor told her that the owner had just the day before returned to his native Switzerland and changed the locks in case Dan, his former lover, endeavoured to gain access!

So we bring another month to a close. As I have said on the business front we have had a good month, although not quite so good now that we are short by one 25,000-baht motorbike!